All Fun and Games
by Lonicera Japonica
Summary: The Strawhats play a game of Truth or Dare, because every fandom needs one of these fics. You know it's true. [Various pairings. Rated for language and gratuitous kissing.]


"Okay, okay. Shut up. Luffy, sit down. I'll start. Luffy, _sit down_. Is he drunk? Okay, I'll– no, Zoro; I am just _mildly intoxicated_. Luffy sit down or I will throw my boot at you and I will not miss. Okay, I'm starting now. Um…uh. Sanji! Truth or Dare!"

"Me? Shit, had to pick me first, didn't you. Uh…truth. Shut up, cabbage head. I'm not chicken; I just want to finish this cigarette before he makes me do something stupid like jump in the water. Usopp, you going to ask me one or not?"

"I'm thinking, I'm thinking…um, have you ever eaten raw squid?"

"…that's it? I expected something more sordid, from you."

"I didn't want you to kick me! Have you, or not?"

"Not raw. You can get poisoned that way, moron. Marimo, truth or dare."

"Dare."

"Yeah, yeah, wipe that smug look off before I kick it off for you. I should tell you to jump in the water, but I'm feeling benevolent, so instead you can– it means kind or charitable, Luffy, now shut up– just stand on one leg or something."

"And you call _me_ uncreative?"

"I call you too drunk to stand on one leg."

"There."

"Shit. Fine, whatever. Should've made him jump in the water…"

"Heh. Luffy, truth or dare?"

"Ummm…truth!"

"Really? Huh…uh, what's your favorite color? Shut up, cook, like you could think of a better one?"

"Red! Nami, truth or dare?"

"Dare. Don't even _think_ of asking me to do something stupid. Oh, trust me, Usopp, he can think of something non-stupid under threat of death."

"I dare you to kiss Zoro!"

"_What_?!"

"Haha, I didn't know you could yell at the same time as Sanji and Zoro!"

"There is _no way in hell_–"

"Fine by me!"

"I can't believe you'd even consider asking a lady to kiss…_that_!"

"Oh yeah, well what makes your lips superior to mine?"

"Well for one, I don't spend all day swilling cheap booze–"

"I don't spend all day inhaling cheap nicotine!"

"Both of you shut up! Zoro, sit down; I'm getting this over with. I said, _both of you, shut up_. It's a dare, and I'm going to do it. Wipe that look off your face this instant, Roronoa Zoro, or I am tripling your interest."

…

"There, that wasn't the worst thing that's ever happened to you. _Stop wiping your mouth off_. Luffy, quit laughing. Oh, Sanji, don't look at me like a wounded puppy. Usopp, you stop laughing too. I'm serious. Do you _want_ me to murder all of you? Good. Truth or dare, Usopp."

"I, uh, um, truth."

"Hmm. Well, since you laughed at me…"

"Oh no."

"…have you ever kissed a girl before?"

"I…what? Oh! Yes! Dozens– no, hundreds! Possibly a thousand! And they were all beautiful and rich and most of them I had rescued from dragons and other terrible monsters from the unnamed depths of hell, and some of them I had just seduced with my manly powers of…seduction, and they all wept when I rode off bravely into the sunset because I am _just that awesome_, and–"

"USOPP."

"Yes?"

"I said _truth_."

"…no."

"That's more like it."

"Luffy, _stop laughing at me_. Zoro you are smirking, I can see it, don't pretend you're not. I hate you all. Fine! Zoro! Have _you_ ever kissed a girl?"

"You have to let him pick truth or dare, Longnose. Although I am curious…"

"Dare."

"Damn you. Uh…I dare you to tell if you've ever kissed a girl."

"The rules say you're not allowed to do that. And besides, he did a minute and a half ago, remember? That was me."

"Damn it…well, did you before Nami, then? Shut up, Luffy, I'm making it a new rule. Look, why can't I just–"

"No."

"What?"

"I said no, I hadn't. Will you shut up now?"

"…I want so badly to laugh at you for that, but you said it like it didn't even matter, and I'm not sure how to– Luffy, get away from the fridge!"

"Well, it's not like it's important or anything."

"Are you _kidding_ me? Of course it's important, you imbecile! Because, Usopp, it's like…I don't know, it just is!"

"At any rate, I have now. Against my own volition, but still…ow! Wench!"

"Don't call beautiful, lovely, angelic Nami-san a wench, you cretin."

"What's it to you? Jealous?"

"Why you­–! You stupid, unforgivably idiotic, pathetic, moss-headed _moron_!"

"Both of you sit down and cut it out right now or I'm raising your debt and not sitting on the deck in a bathing suit for a week!"

"Are we going to get back to the game, or not?"

"Oh right…whose turn is it?"

"Technically Usopp's, I think."

"…I really don't like that look in his eyes."

"Zoro."

"…dare."

"I _really_ don't like that look in his eyes."

"I dare you to kiss Sanji."

"WHAT?!"

"Haha, you did it again!"

"No. There's no way in hell."

"Good, because I _refuse_ to let you even _consider_ coming anywhere near me, especially in a physically intimate manner, so you can just forget about–"

"I wasn't thinking about it!"

"Makes sense, considering you never think about anything."

"Okay, now you're just asking for it."

"Asking for what? You going to come after me with those glorified butter knives of yours?"

"_What did you just say_?"

"M-maybe that wasn't such a good idea…maybe Zoro can just, uh, stand on one leg again…"

"But Usopp, you dared him! He has to!"

"Ugh, this isn't going to end well, is it."

"Not if it ends with his lips touching my lips." 

"I told you that's not going to happen."

"Fine! Idiot like you wouldn't know how to, anyway."

"Did you just call me a bad kisser?"

"I was just stating a fact, marimo."

"Okay, drop it before I take all three of my _glorified butter knives_ and run you through."

"I can't believe they're actually arguing about this."

"I can. Luffy, get away from the fridge."

"You'd have to be able to touch me first, shit head."

"All right, you know what? Here."

"What are you– ow, damn it, that was my leg! What the hell do you think you're…no, don't you even try to– get away from me, you stupid– I said _no_, or I will kick your spleen out through your neck! Don't even– get away from– let me go or I swear to All Blue that I'llmmph!"

"Bahahahahahahaha!"

"Ahahahaha, oh god, oh my– oh wow, that looks kind of painful…"

"…Zoro."

"Sanji."

"If you _ever_. Do that again."

"I wasn't planning to."

"I will murder you in seven different ways and serve you for breakfast."

"Like you could. But point taken. Never again."

"…I am going to go brush my teeth– a lot– and then I'm going to bed, and we will never speak of this again. Luffy, Usopp, _stop laughing_."

"You too, wench."

"Nami-san can do whatever she wants, oaf."

"Don't even talk to me. And make sure you use a lot of toothpaste; you taste like a rotten sardine in an ashtray."

"Yeah, you taste like decaying dog flesh marinated in seagull puke. Good night."

"If _any_ of you _ever_ mention that again for as long as you live, I'll kill you. Got that?"

"You're really not a good kisser, you know."

"SHUT UP."

"Hey Usopp, that looked like fun! You wanna try it?"

"What? No!"

"Awww, come on!"

"I said– Luffy! Ow! Agh!"

"Men. I'm going to bed. Luffy, try not to maul Usopp too badly."

"I'm going, too. And I bet I'm a better kisser than you are."

"Yeah, right."

"…Luffy, I hate you _so much_ right now."

"Why? I thought it was fun!"

"Well, you're a sick freak. Get off me."

"But you're comfy."

"So…much…hate."

"Can I kiss you again?"

"…is everyone gone?"

"Yep!"

"…fine. But not so much tongue this time."

"Okay!"

"I'm still never playing Truth or Dare again, though."


End file.
